So I did it, I finally had the conversation and I would love to share it with you. It was right after I’d gotten out of bed this morning, my pillow soaked with tears.
“Lord, I’m tired of me.”
“Child, you can never be too broken for me.”
“Really?” my heart churned with disbelief
“I am far gone, I can’t even find my way back- to you, to us.
“Beloved, I specialize in finding the lost-I am the Good Shepherd, remember?”
“But my sins are too many!”
“Nothing you do is a shock to me. I have covered you, Love covers a multitude of sins. When I see you, I see Jesus.”
“This is too good to be true” I shook my head vigorously.
“I know right, it’s the gospel, written boldly in red on Calvary speaking better things than the blood of bulls and goats- I love you.”
My lips moved but I was lost for words.
“I hear you child, I hear the pulsation of every heartbeat. I steady the rate of your breathing as I watch you inhale and exhale. Remember when you decided to go natural and did the big chop then settled for a “frohawk”? Strands 678-872 were uneven, yeah I noticed that as well.”
Maybe I was losing it? Maybe it was all in my head. An uneasiness gripped my heart.
“Lord, I…. can’t…. seem… to….focus, h..eelp me.”
“Daughter, don’t look at the waves, look at me, can you hear me? Eyes on me.”
I tried focusing on His voice but it got harder with each attempt. I can’t exactly remember what happened next, the fall or my head hitting the marble floor. But I remember this- His face looking at me with so much love and compassion before I slipped into the enveloping darkness.
TO BE CONTINUED.
GO ACHIEVE
Diariesofhopelive@gmail.com
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